The funny thing is I did cry. I cried a lot. I cried after I hung up the phone. This past that I have watched come and go and come back again brings me to my already bruised up and scarred knees.
After hanging up the phone I felt okay. I thought I was okay. I went to the usual outlets that people go to clear their minds (social media at its finest) and I came across a beautifully composed song written on the piano by a friend. I listened once with joy because it reminded me of the good of the conversation on the phone. I listened twice, and the song had a whole different meaning to it. (If you want to know the song, click here) I thought, “Oh, it’s my song of reconciliation!” I began to daydream of what could be and I lost it.
How do I long for a future and desire to fight for a future that I want when the people around me would not? What matters more to me? What is most important to me? Do my family and friends’ opinions matter? Does the reconciled desire the same as I do? If I lose, how do I lose? Is it a lose/lose situation and has God given me a choice between the two? I feel that I am currently walking across the tightrope of life always ready to slip and fall to my own destruction. Is it God shaking the tightrope? Would He do that?
The answer to that is no. God doesn’t desire to see me destroyed or fall under my own destruction. He may be shaking the tightrope, but the purpose is to strengthen me. He develops me. He throws at me the balance beam. I could almost hear Him say, “You’re almost there. I’m on your side. See to it to the end.”
Now you would think that this post would end in a Bible verse of some sort since the rest seem to, but honestly, I can’t think of one that comes to mind. I just know that I am His, it’s a Friday night, and life still knocks at the door with its little surprises. I know He’ll be there with me, opening the door to all of them.