The debate goes back in forth daily in my head. The i hate u, i love u lyrics start to play on replay and cause me to reminisce or think of what it could be (here’s the clean version of the song). I shake my head, pretending to erase the memories with the movement of my head.
This time period is so challenging. Referring back to my other blog post it’s challenging to be praying for this sister in Christ and brother in Christ that I feel have abandoned me. Despite reconciliation, it still hurts. It can’t fully ever be back to the way it was where I had both people involved in my life. In my head, I see an image of the two of them walking away, leaving me in a lonely spotlight. The spotlight goes out.
Feeling around in the dark, I can’t find either one of them. I begin to cry the kind of tears that only loneliness can give. All of a sudden, the grasp of a tight hand lifts me up and encourages me to get up. The spotlight turns on. It’s so bright and overwhelming. The light envelops me. It’s so powerful. It brings me hope. It dries the tears. It drives the darkness away. The room that was once dark now turns into open space. A field of colorful flowers with a narrow path down the middle is now revealed calling my name. I begin to run and rejoice and find peace in knowing that the path leads to comfort, love, a deep relationship with the Father who never leaves.
The valleys will come. The darkness will come. I will be hurt or left by the people here on this Earth. What will always be there though, is that miraculous flicker of light that never goes out. When those valleys come, when the darkness approaches, the light will not flicker out but flicker brighter and brighter until it again reminds me of the hope I have in Jesus Christ. Nothing can put out his light.
I dream of the end of the path. I dream of finishing the race. I dream of finally seeing for myself the full embodiment of Christ’s holiness. Maranatha. O, Lord come.