No Text.

No text came. After receiving the news that I did not have cancer I texted my brother in Christ who I recently reconciled with. I waited all day to see what he would say. Nothing. I received nothing. I felt stupid and ashamed for even texting him. Embarrassed that I didn’t get a response. I thought to myself, Well, I guess it really can’t be the same, can it? 

I sat there at my desk late in the evening working on homework. Sometimes when I listen to piano music while doing homework I stop and think of what happened in my day. Being reminded of the lack of response broke me. It hit me hard. He’s the only one I was looking forward to receiving a positive response from. The only one I cared enough to tell other than my close coworkers and family. Is it really over? 

As I sat there, I realized since he has this relationship with another girl, I wasn’t going to receive responses…it’s a conflict of interest really as we like to call it in HR.

Today just really made me stop and realize that I need to pray more. I need to pray for my focus to be on Christ always, but especially during these rough days. I continue to tell myself, Not yet Bethany. The storm hasn’t passed yet. As I wait for it to move on, I grip on to what I do have.

Well. Good night for now. Maybe I’ll remember next time to celebrate the small gifts with Jesus and be glad in that.

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