I know it sounds crazy. “Why have an online blog if you don’t want any more followers?” I know, it’s stupid.
I don’t want the whole world to know about my blog. The few that I do? Yes. I like having the few that do follow my blog and read it daily. It truly does bring me a peace of mind to see that only a few read this.
Really, I write here to clear my mind and to share my experiences in case it encourages “a few others”. I’m brutally honest, what can I say. I personally know some of the few that do read it consistently every day and that’s fine. That doesn’t cause me to sweat or anything, in fact, it helps me share what I can’t say in person.
I get stuck in person. My thoughts get rambled in a knot and I can’t seem to untie them. I close in and focus on changing the subject if it’s about my feelings. Sure, I’ll tell them if I’m not feeling well, but I don’t want them to know how I REALLY feel. Upset. Anguished. About to cry. Over it. Done. Anything along the lines of real feelings. Being a Christian, I know that it’s important to be vulnerable and ready to share so that others can use their gift of encouragement, but this is STILL something so hard for me to express. I can’t see beyond the hurt of past experiences. The comments that I’ve heard from others on how weird it is when people are sensitive (including myself at times) ring in my head. It’s weird. For today’s society, it is weird. Where I live it is weird. Everything is perfection. Nothing can be wrong. If it is wrong, hide it under the rug until the guests leave. Alone? NOW you can cry it out. Why did this mentality come about? Why did society create such a culture where we can’t truly express ourselves in front of others without being judged?
We DO have issues, we all do. It’s just a matter of time before the tears fall.
Back to my point of this blog post: Thank you few for reading. Thank you for following my journey. Hope it’s been encouraging in some way or another. May Jesus be glorified in all of this.