Yesterday, I tried to attach a video of me signing how I felt. I felt anguish, pain and hurt. I felt things that I thought I’d be over with by now and the only way I wanted to FULLY express that was through sign language since most that view these posts don’t know sign language. The video I believe was corrupted or wouldn’t work, so I’m going to be vulnerable now and share through words.
Every time I have class I pass by a certain hotel that reminds me of my sin and my wrong doing. It brings me anguish when I see it. It makes me feel dirty, unclean, forgotten, left on the curb. I see it and I want to yell in anger. When I do sin, I do scream in my anger as I pass by the building. I feel dumb and stupid for falling for someone who would never come back.
BUT what I signed in the video was how I saw God. I see how Jesus sees me now. Now, I have been rescued from that sin. I have been pulled out of my sinful ways and brought before this holy God who calls me His. He is a jealous God who loves me. He doesn’t want me to fall or to be led back into temptation. Jesus loves me, cares for me, showers me with grace. He is the epidemy of true love. He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end. He rescued me. That was what I signed in a nutshell. He really really desires my full heart and attention and each day I fight the temptations of the world (with the help of the Holy Spirit) to stay focused on the ultimate prize. Jesus is my ultimate prize that I hope to see one day and fall face down to the ground as John and many others did before me. He is who I live for, He is life and breath and everything else. He is the Way, the Truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him.
Acknowledging these things takes time and I repent of my sin that I do have in my selfish ways…as my readers, please acknowledge that I am no angel, that I am not perfect, and that I am in need of grace and mercy each day as much as you are. Thank GOD for His grace, mercy, and justice in my life. Without it, life would be pointless.